(bi)weekly biz

I'm an overthinker. I'm an overthinker to a level you can't even imagine. Every minute left on delivered, every slight change in tone, and every period in a text message means something to me. I'm constantly asking myself: Are they mad at me? What did I do wrong? How do I even begin replying to this? Amidst this constant anxiety, I do my best to remind myself to be present, put my phone down, and worry less about the outcome. And yet, this often causes further tension: Am I living in the moment enough? Am I missing something important? Am I doing this all wrong? The poem A Story by Li-Young Lee resonated with me because of this constant internal conflict. Throughout the poem, the father, so focused on the possibility of the son's future, cannot express his feelings of love in the moment.  With just one more quarter of the life I have known for the past thirteen years left, I find myself caught in the same trap. I worry when I enjoy something so much that I lose tra...

This act of "becoming" is scary. I mean seriously, it's kept me up at night. Am I achieving the right goals at the right time? Am I growing into a good person? Who is the person I want to be? These questions have taken up way too much of my brain capacity over the last year and have become even more relevant as the prospect of moving away from home looms closer. As I suddenly have to think about the person I am becoming outside my parents' shadow, I am left questioning who I am on my own.  This process of growing up has been interesting thus far, and it is certainly nowhere near an end. Physically, I have grown the capacity to stand, walk, and run. Mentally, I can now solve more complex math problems, write better essays, and do more challenging puzzles. Emotionally, I have developed stronger empathy skills, I can better understand my own feelings, and I learned to control my immediate, emotional responses to stress. In every moment of doubt and triumph, I’m reminded ...

Prompt #6: Explain how Santa got run over by a reindeer... Honestly, Santa really should've expected this. I mean, who puts an egotistical, self-obsessed, and obnoxiously glowing reindeer in front of the pack? They were bound to get lost.  You see, Rudolph was not like the other reindeer. He struggled to listen to Santa, believing himself to be the better navigator. So naturally, when Santa pulled the reigns on Christmas night, directing his reindeer toward the International Date Line, Rudolph pulled the other way sending them spiraling toward Africa, believing himself to know the direction in which to go.  Santa tried to regain control but the chaos had already ensued. Before long, the sleigh was spinning in circles and upside down (thank goodness Santa was wearing his 6-point harness) with Donnor and Blitzen kicking their feet wildly in the air. Meanwhile, Rudolph's insufferable nose grew brighter as he continued to push down, diving straight for the South Pole....

Since we read "The Three Girls" this week, a very queer-coded piece, I made a list of my favorite sapphic artists: 5) Chappell Roan It seems impossible to compile a list of sapphic artists without including Chappell Roan. After her viral Coachella performance in April this year and her subsequent release of "Good Luck, Babe!" Chappell seems to have come out of nowhere. She is known for her love of drag and won Best New Artist at the VMAs. In some ways, she reminds me of the Marilyn Monroe we studied in "The Three Girls," especially in her desire to escape fame in some moments. However, she is also the opposite, incredibly vocal about her queer identity in every aspect of her life. I can't list her as my favorite, simply because I have not listened to her music enough, especially because she is so new to the spotlight. However, I absolutely love her unapologetic nature and can't wait to see what she does next! 4) LYVIA LYVIA is definitely the smalle...

My eyes dilated at the paper in front of me. I tried to control my breathing as I felt myself hyper-focusing on the crinkle at the top of the page. This is an imminent disaster. Why did I let him pass the paper to me? I should’ve just gotten it myself. There’s something so beautiful about a flat, perfect sheet of paper - why would anyone want to ruin it? Honestly, the assignment is barely worth doing if the paper is wrinkled. I attempt to refocus on the teacher’s lecture (something about poetry?) but there’s no use. The crease controls me.

I still can't begin to understand how people manage to function off of 2-3 hours of sleep every night. And yet, everyone seems to be doing it? There's no doubt that we've turned it into some crazy competition. I'm already prepared to walk in tomorrow and hear the following conversation: "oh my godddddd. i literally stayed up until midnight to finish that blog post." "that means you basically got 6 hours of sleep. ugh you're so luckyyyyy. i stayed up till 3." So, not only are we invalidating others' problems, but we are also creating a culture that encourages others to make unhealthy choices for bragging rights. It's not the only thing we do it for either: "you wrote your ap seminar paper three days before it was due? i did mine the literal day it was due." "i can't believe you drive 50 in a 45. like you gotta drive 65 at least!" This isn't to say that I'm not guilty of the exact same things, but I'm sta...

walking into room 214 for the first time, i remember picking the seat in the corner, right by the door. i was given a poem to read and annotate on the first day of school, and i remember going home and telling my mom that i was most definitely going to fail ap lang. looking back i probably severely overreacted, but the only way i made it through was because of the writers and people who supported me. i cannot thank you enough. i am deeply indebted to the writers that guided me on this journey. sarah vowell for teaching me, for the first time, that professional writing does not always have to be formal in the partly cloudy patriot. david foster wallace for reminding me to stay optimistic in this is water and for boosting my ego over my veganism in consider the lobster. maxine hong kingston for highlighting the use of storytelling to convey a deeper meaning in the woman warrior. f. scott fitzgerald for introducing me to a million new perspectives on the american dream and our country...