Skip to main content

Becoming? That sounds absolutely terrifying.

This act of "becoming" is scary. I mean seriously, it's kept me up at night. Am I achieving the right goals at the right time? Am I growing into a good person? Who is the person I want to be? These questions have taken up way too much of my brain capacity over the last year and have become even more relevant as the prospect of moving away from home looms closer. As I suddenly have to think about the person I am becoming outside my parents' shadow, I am left questioning who I am on my own. 

This process of growing up has been interesting thus far, and it is certainly nowhere near an end. Physically, I have grown the capacity to stand, walk, and run. Mentally, I can now solve more complex math problems, write better essays, and do more challenging puzzles. Emotionally, I have developed stronger empathy skills, I can better understand my own feelings, and I learned to control my immediate, emotional responses to stress. In every moment of doubt and triumph, I’m reminded that even the smallest steps forward are vital chapters in this unpredictable journey toward "becoming". 

Identity has been a pivotal aspect of this process. There are the obvious categories - race, gender, sexuality, religion, etc, much of which I have come to terms with within the last few years. In terms of religion, an identity I strongly associate myself with, most likely because my parents and other influences in my life have led me in that direction. I am curious to see how my relationship with religion changes as I learn to live it without the constant exposure I have at home. The ambiguity of my ethnic identity has led to deep self-reflection, making me question how I define myself beyond just labels. I’ve realized that identity isn’t something fixed—it’s messy, layered, and always evolving. Instead of trying to fit into one box, I’ve learned to embrace the mix and make it my own.

And still, identity for me has had yet another layer. Like many, I find myself developing different personalities and versions of myself in different environments. The person I am at school is totally different from the person I am at home which is totally different from the person I am around my friends. This honestly used to scare me - I felt like I didn't know who I really am, who I am without an audience to perform for. But over time, I’ve realized that this isn’t a sign of being inauthentic, it’s just a natural part of who I am. Each version of me is still me, shaped by the people I’m with and the space I’m in. Instead of searching for a single, unchanging self, I’ve learned to embrace the fluidity of my identity, knowing that these "multiple identities" don’t make me any less real. 

I've learned that I don't need to have all this figured out right now. The lessons will come to me as I continue my journey through life. For now, I can just embrace the girl I am today and hope that the woman I become is a good one.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Best Sapphic Artists (in my professional opinion)

Since we read "The Three Girls" this week, a very queer-coded piece, I made a list of my favorite sapphic artists: 5) Chappell Roan It seems impossible to compile a list of sapphic artists without including Chappell Roan. After her viral Coachella performance in April this year and her subsequent release of "Good Luck, Babe!" Chappell seems to have come out of nowhere. She is known for her love of drag and won Best New Artist at the VMAs. In some ways, she reminds me of the Marilyn Monroe we studied in "The Three Girls," especially in her desire to escape fame in some moments. However, she is also the opposite, incredibly vocal about her queer identity in every aspect of her life. I can't list her as my favorite, simply because I have not listened to her music enough, especially because she is so new to the spotlight. However, I absolutely love her unapologetic nature and can't wait to see what she does next! 4) LYVIA LYVIA is definitely the smalle...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Average High School Experience (...right?)

My eyes dilated at the paper in front of me. I tried to control my breathing as I felt myself hyper-focusing on the crinkle at the top of the page. This is an imminent disaster. Why did I let him pass the paper to me? I should’ve just gotten it myself. There’s something so beautiful about a flat, perfect sheet of paper - why would anyone want to ruin it? Honestly, the assignment is barely worth doing if the paper is wrinkled. I attempt to refocus on the teacher’s lecture (something about poetry?) but there’s no use. The crease controls me.
Post a Comment
Read more

Make Sleeping Cool Again

I still can't begin to understand how people manage to function off of 2-3 hours of sleep every night. And yet, everyone seems to be doing it? There's no doubt that we've turned it into some crazy competition. I'm already prepared to walk in tomorrow and hear the following conversation: "oh my godddddd. i literally stayed up until midnight to finish that blog post." "that means you basically got 6 hours of sleep. ugh you're so luckyyyyy. i stayed up till 3." So, not only are we invalidating others' problems, but we are also creating a culture that encourages others to make unhealthy choices for bragging rights. It's not the only thing we do it for either: "you wrote your ap seminar paper three days before it was due? i did mine the literal day it was due." "i can't believe you drive 50 in a 45. like you gotta drive 65 at least!" This isn't to say that I'm not guilty of the exact same things, but I'm sta...
Post a Comment
Read more