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Becoming? That sounds absolutely terrifying.

This act of "becoming" is scary. I mean seriously, it's kept me up at night. Am I achieving the right goals at the right time? Am I growing into a good person? Who is the person I want to be? These questions have taken up way too much of my brain capacity over the last year and have become even more relevant as the prospect of moving away from home looms closer. As I suddenly have to think about the person I am becoming outside my parents' shadow, I am left questioning who I am on my own. 

This process of growing up has been interesting thus far, and it is certainly nowhere near an end. Physically, I have grown the capacity to stand, walk, and run. Mentally, I can now solve more complex math problems, write better essays, and do more challenging puzzles. Emotionally, I have developed stronger empathy skills, I can better understand my own feelings, and I learned to control my immediate, emotional responses to stress. In every moment of doubt and triumph, I’m reminded that even the smallest steps forward are vital chapters in this unpredictable journey toward "becoming". 

Identity has been a pivotal aspect of this process. There are the obvious categories - race, gender, sexuality, religion, etc, much of which I have come to terms with within the last few years. In terms of religion, an identity I strongly associate myself with, most likely because my parents and other influences in my life have led me in that direction. I am curious to see how my relationship with religion changes as I learn to live it without the constant exposure I have at home. The ambiguity of my ethnic identity has led to deep self-reflection, making me question how I define myself beyond just labels. I’ve realized that identity isn’t something fixed—it’s messy, layered, and always evolving. Instead of trying to fit into one box, I’ve learned to embrace the mix and make it my own.

And still, identity for me has had yet another layer. Like many, I find myself developing different personalities and versions of myself in different environments. The person I am at school is totally different from the person I am at home which is totally different from the person I am around my friends. This honestly used to scare me - I felt like I didn't know who I really am, who I am without an audience to perform for. But over time, I’ve realized that this isn’t a sign of being inauthentic, it’s just a natural part of who I am. Each version of me is still me, shaped by the people I’m with and the space I’m in. Instead of searching for a single, unchanging self, I’ve learned to embrace the fluidity of my identity, knowing that these "multiple identities" don’t make me any less real. 

I've learned that I don't need to have all this figured out right now. The lessons will come to me as I continue my journey through life. For now, I can just embrace the girl I am today and hope that the woman I become is a good one.

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